Tell some they need counseling?

As a therapist based in Chicago, I often encounter individuals whose first step toward healing began with a gentle nudge from a friend or loved one. Suggesting counseling to someone you care about can feel like walking a tightrope—it’s a delicate balance of compassion and honesty.

While the intent is rooted in care, the conversation itself can be daunting. How do you bring up the subject without offending them or making them feel judged? Let’s explore some thoughtful ways to navigate this conversation and provide support.

1. Recognize the Signs

Before initiating the conversation, it’s important to have clarity about why you believe therapy could be beneficial. While you don’t need to diagnose them—that’s the therapist’s role—pay attention to patterns that suggest they’re struggling. These might include:

Persistent sadness, irritability, or withdrawal from social activities.
Difficulty coping with stress, significant life changes, or past traumas.
Unhealthy behaviors like substance use, overeating, or isolating themselves.
Excessive worry, feelings of hopelessness, or noticeable changes in sleep or appetite.

By being observant and specific about what you’ve noticed, you’ll be better equipped to approach the conversation from a place of understanding.

2. Reflect on Your Intentions

Ask yourself why you want to have this conversation. Is it because you genuinely care and want to help? Or are you feeling frustrated by their behavior? While it’s natural to experience a mix of emotions, leading with compassion is key. This isn’t about “fixing” them; it’s about encouraging them to explore a safe space where they can process their experiences and feelings.

3. Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing and environment matter. A casual comment during a stressful moment or in a public setting could backfire, leaving the other person feeling blindsided or defensive. Instead, choose a quiet, private setting where you can have an uninterrupted conversation. Make sure both of you are in a relatively calm and open state of mind.

For example, you might say, “Hey, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something important. Do you have some time later when we can chat?” Giving them a heads-up allows them to mentally prepare.

4. Approach With Empathy, Not Judgment

When you do bring up the subject, focus on expressing concern rather than offering criticism. Use “I” statements to share your observations and feelings without making them feel attacked. For instance:

Instead of: “You’ve been so negative lately. You need therapy.”
Try: “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed really down lately, and I’m worried about you. I wonder if talking to someone could help.”

This subtle shift in language conveys care and concern rather than blame, making it easier for them to hear your perspective.

5. Validate Their Feelings

It’s possible they might feel defensive, embarrassed, or even dismissive. These reactions are normal. Instead of pushing back, validate their feelings and create a safe space for dialogue.

If they respond with, “I’m fine. I don’t need therapy,” you can say, “I understand it might feel that way, and it’s totally okay to feel unsure about therapy. I just want you to know I’m here for you and want to support you however I can.”

Acknowledging their emotions without trying to immediately counter them can build trust and keep the lines of communication open.

6. Share Your Own Experience (If Applicable)

If you’ve benefited from therapy yourself, sharing your story can be incredibly powerful. It normalizes the process and helps dismantle the stigma that sometimes surrounds seeking help. For instance, you could say:

“I’ve been to therapy myself, and it really helped me work through some tough times. It’s not about being weak; it’s about having a space to figure things out with someone who really listens and understands.”

Your openness might make them feel less alone and more inclined to consider therapy as a viable option.

7. Offer Practical Support

Sometimes the barriers to seeking therapy aren’t emotional but logistical. Your loved one might feel overwhelmed by the idea of finding a therapist, navigating insurance, or even figuring out how to start. Offering to help with these practical steps can make a big difference. For example:

Research therapists in their area or ones who specialize in what they’re going through.
Offer to sit with them while they make a call or send an email.
Look for therapists in Chicago who specialize in issues like anxiety and depression.

8. Be Patient and Respect Their Autonomy

Ultimately, the decision to pursue therapy must come from them. While you can plant the seed, you can’t force it to grow. Be patient and recognize that they may need time to process the idea. Check in occasionally without pressuring them.

You might say, “I just wanted to follow up on what we talked about the other day. Have you given it any more thought? I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

9. Set Boundaries for Yourself

Caring for someone who’s struggling can be emotionally taxing. While it’s important to be supportive, remember that you’re not their therapist—and you don’t have to be. Encourage them to seek professional help while ensuring you’re also taking care of your own mental health. It’s okay to set boundaries and seek support for yourself if needed.

Wrap Up

Encouraging a friend or loved one to consider therapy is an act of love, but it requires sensitivity, patience, and a nonjudgmental approach. By focusing on empathy, offering practical support, and respecting their autonomy, you can help pave the way for them to take this important step toward healing.

Remember, the goal isn’t to “fix” them or solve their problems for them. Therapy is a journey—one they have to choose for themselves. But your care and encouragement could be the catalyst that helps them start.